Apr 27, 2007

The In Laws Next Door

There are pros and cons living so closely to the in-laws. Our homes are only 2 houses away from each other. Actually, I can say we got along really good until the baby. Why? Let me start the story.

Don't get me wrong, my MIL is a very nice lady, overall. But sometimes she doesn't seem to know 'what and when' NOT to say something. Before the baby arrives, everytime she would want to start a conversation with me about OTHER babies or kids, I would stop her immediately before she finished her first sentence. Because I know she would COMPLAIN about other people's kids.

For example, she would say like "... this kid has a weird body shape, the hip so BIG ... " (this girl is tall and she has almost the hourglass body shape) or
"... how come this kid so 'yoke suen' (ugly) look ..."
(I dislike the word 'yoke suen' as it is rather a rude word to use, I would use 'mm leng' - not pretty instead, something not so heavy)

But MIL likes the word 'YOKE SUEN' very much. She uses it so often. She also likes to repeat the complaint more than once. I would say to her, "OK ... I've heard it already, don't say anymore," or something similar in a polite manner of course. But when I go over to them home again the next days, she would want to talk about that again.

I wasn't sure if she got my point or not, but sometimes I really feel like not going over to her house because of that. Sometimes I don't feel like 'pantang' (superstitious) but sometimes I do, especially when I was carrying my baby. To say my MIL is not superstitious that's not true because I've seen her doing things to be superstitious too.

I have always told hubby to teach his mother about this because is his mother and I don't think I am suppose to do the job of teaching her the right manner, but he would say no use to even try as she won't listen. He didn't like to talk to her much either. There are couple of times that really made me MAD because of something she said purposely and I didn't call her to come over to see Brandon for a day or two. (I will explain why I need her to call first before she comes over in another post) Sometimes also hubby's fault because he would tease his mother about little things.

This happened quite a long time ago and I was debating if I should post on the blog about it, but here it is now:

The story begins **There was this time in the evening last month (Aug), I was preparing to cook dinner while chatting with hubby in the kitchen. My back was facing Hubby and when I turned over, suddenly standing behind and beside him was MIL. She kept quiet there and I was a little frightened due to her sudden appearance without any indication (door bell, or saying hello). She was like a shadow that just come into our house. Our main door was open but the screen door was close, and usually there is a noise OR she would say HELLOO.

Then I said to Hubby in Chinese, "How come she came in also you didn't tell me," then he jokingly said, "is just 'soh poh' (crazy old lady).

Then MIL said, " ... soh ma sang soh jai, soh jai sang soh suen." (translation: crazy/stupid mother gave birth to stupid son [ie Hubby], stupid son gave birth to stupid grandson [ie my son]) Mind you, I was standing there all the time. MIL should have watched the things that come out from her mouth. Hey, not your son gave birth one lar. I was the one that gave birth to your grandson. In directly, she unconciously said something to meant that I am stupid and my son also stupid. I was already fired up inside. Steam was coming out. I was so mad at her that evening that I didn't want to see her or let her see Brandon the next few days.**

There are many other occassion she said or did the NOT so right things. And I was really mad at her. And I tell Hubby to correct her but he didn't want to. *SIGH*


huisia said...

i understand your feel as my PILs are like that, their mouth as smelly as rubbish..i hate them to criticize others as i always believe it will have "pou yeng" to their own offspring too..somemore, my MIL criticizes me a lot, so does my son..

jazzmint said...

aiyo..how can she say that...

ur hubs oso shouldn't say soh poh in front of her...i guess she oso fuming.

this what I call, the MIL never teach the kids since young, then after kahwin, they expect the wife to change the son's attitude...my MIL is like that and I'm really sick of she thinking I can correct the son, which I can't...crazy.

sue said...

Yeah lor, your hubs call his mom soh poh I think she also "beh song" liao.. But what I notice is that once you're already got a thorn (yau chi) with this person already, anything she say also you "beh song" wan la.. generally la..

LiL'deviL said...

Do you watch Everybody Loves Raymond? hehehe...

Can't complain much about my MIL (she lives in KL), she's nice and understanding and helpful. She'd ask me first before she do anything with Ethan. Just don't like her asking us to go to church all the time. I felt so bad for being mean at her the first couple of months Ethan was born.

wHOisBaBy said...

huisia: i really dislike them saying bad things about others. like you, i also worry about pouyeng.

jazzmint: is usual for hubby to tease her, and she knows about it becos this is not the first time. a lot of things (mostly mannerism) also i teach my husband. for example, go in ppl's house please address the host, when eating with relatives address the elderly ones. he wasn't taught about these. *slap head*

sue: true true, the thorn is there already. but i also try to forget and forgive. i am fine now with her. but at that time ... fooyoh ... somemore that time still got a little bit of post-partum depression, i cried after she left scolding hubby why his mom like that one.

lil'devil: ya that show address mil and dil relationships. funny show. last time got watch, now no time to watch any sitcom. *sigh*

Angeleyes said...

Luckily my MIL is extremely rough and loud so there's no way she can sneak behind... LOL

She's one lady that always wants to make her presence felt!

Vien said...

You can never change a person's attitude..esp for someone your mil's age.

G said...

Wow Yr MIL could say such thing abt her own son and grandson! Yr MIL's attitude is like mine ... loves to criticize abt anyone or anything and sneak up on us to eavesdrop on our conversations. Lots more unimaginable rude mannerisms but i wont say them here :D however, i enjoyed making my point of view heard loud and clear to her whenever she tried to "attack" me or anyone related to me, including hubby. Of course that made her hate me even more. Well, someone's gotta do the dirty job of telling her she's wrong, hehe... for her own good mah

Binky, Blogging & Such said...

Wow, your MIL has one "potty" mouth. I also feel very "pantang" if my family keeps saying negative things about other people, because I worry that it will also befall us eventually. Perhaps you may test the water with your husband, asking him what will be your MIL's reaction if you are to tell her not to say those words the next time she brings it up again?

wHOisBaBy said...

angeleyes: that's so funny, your mil. like to make LOUD noises .. sure everyone will know.

vien: agree!

grace: i think she got my point after many many many many times of me saying NO I DON'T want to hear. I no longer hear her talking (bad) about others ... though it might be because she doesn't go visit her relatives that often nowadays. she seldom sees others too.

binky: my husband ... he doesn't care one. he said his mother cannot be corrected anymore. she used to it already. but she has been ok lately, like i said she probably didnt go meet up with her relatives much lately ... nothing to criticize.

Wokking Mum said...

My 1st visit here.
Haiz! Are all MIL the same? Hope we wont be like them when we become MIL ourselves!

I super worry when my MIL move in with us!! Wished I could blog abt her, so many stories, but cant bcos my hubby is my reader too. LOL

wHOisBaBy said...

wokking mum: thanks for coming over. gosh ... i dunno why ... i also worry that if i will be like that when i myself become mil.